Monday, August 26, 2013

I am alone...that's okay.

I have been trying to figure out were I fit in the world. I realized I really don't. I have family but we aren't really close. I am okay with that. I have somewhat of an adopted family, but recently realized I will always be an outsider with them. I am not family, I am not dating a member of the family, I am not a life long friend. I am just someone one of them met at a retail store and at the time we were very similar.

I am not part of the half not really part of the half nots. I don't desire my clothes to be top of the line, I don't feel the need to buy name brand anything really. If I can get the name brand for a decent price that's fine. I don't feel like I need accessories to my wardrobe. The cheapest way of doing things is for me.

I wake up alone. I go to bed alone. I can't remember when I had the touch of another person. There are times were that though makes me very depressed, other times I relish in the fact I am alone. If I want to do something I do it. No need to check in with anybody or worry what they are doing. But at the same time I wish I had someone to talk to. To be there for someone, to help through tough times, be there for the good ones. Laugh, cry, hate.  Some people get to have that type of happiness. I will am not one of them, it's taken me 30 years to accept that fact. I am perfectly lonely.  I realized not everyone would agree that this is the correct way to think but it works for me.