Thursday, July 4, 2013

Anxiety has become my best friend.

I never considered my an anxious person. However in the last 6 months - 1 year that's all I have been anxious. I worry all the time about everything and anything. I don't sleep much but much less in the last several months. If I do sleep it's only for an hour or so. My mind will not shut off. I wake up in a heap of sweat, sometimes forgetting where I am, even though it's my apartment, my bed, my sheets, my black cat at the end of the bed.

The though of leaving my own apartment to do the simplest things makes me anxious. Taking my grandpa to his doctors appointment, getting lunch for my best friend or going to get groceries. It makes me so unnerved that I get sick. I was suppose to go to a dinner for my birthday and I had to miss it because I ended up getting so sick. Same thing happened on Mother's Day another dinner missed. Had to leave my best friends house early because of it. I don't know what I am afraid of. My routine has almost always been the same and I like it like that. I have tried to shut my mind off from racing. I fill out applications, play video games, watch my favorite TV shows, listen to my favorite podcasts or music. It doesn't help or if it does it is for a small amount of time.

It makes me mad that I can't figure out why this is become such an issue for me. I never really went a lot of places to begin with. But now it has become a giant chore just to do the things I need to do. I hope it gets better. I hope that it goes away soon. It is become a giant crutch. Giving me migraines more than I already get. Sleeping even less than usually. Spending most of my time in the bathroom. The anxiety wasn't there one day then the next day it was. I hope it leaves just as easily as it came and soon.