Thursday, December 16, 2010

Does It really get better?

I'm new to this whole blogging thing and I'm not a writer. So if thing are not the way they should be I'm sorry.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm 27, live in a smallish town, female, not really attractive, 5'3 at 240ish pounds, dye my hair black, tattoos, and despite what some people think not a lesbian(and there would be nothing wrong if I were), tomboy and over all a loner.

The title of this blog and maybe only blog is Does it really get better? Everyone these days are doing PSA's and fundraisers telling young teen Gays and Lesbians that it does in fact get better. My question is if you are not a gay or lesbian does that mean it doesn't get better? I have been bullied my entire life, school, work, all the time. I dress like a boy, have short hair, tattoos, chubby all around. As much as I tell myself it doesn't hurt it does. I don't have many friends the ones who I do have are like me they only in the fact that they seem to not care on the outside I just wonder if they get bullied like me. Never had a boyfriend just "friends with benefits". My one and true "friend" that has never left me and never will is Stevie the TV (if you haven't seen the show Friends a billion times then you don't get this reference and I probably just come off weird nothing new)  Stevie and I have been together my entire life i have to get a new one a couple of times but other than that. See you can buy friends.  I come home and he's there I wake up and he's there, don't have to worry about him spending time with other men or women. He's all mine.

I don't go out much because I'm insecure in every clique imaginable. Just stay home and watch movies, TV shows anything. That's kinda sad I'm and all I wanna do is be alone. Don't get me wrong there's advantages but I would like to know that I go it out it won't be full of people looking and wondering if I'm a boy or girl. It happens more than you think or should.  I'm depressed most of the time because other people have dictated they way I live my live, I've tried getting passed it I really have. Easier said than done. But words do in fact hurt. 

I guess my question may never get answered. Does it get better? I hope that it does for every single person whether your black, white, gay, lesbians, straight. I don't really care i don't judge. Well maybe the people that bully. You've got to wonder what they are going thought emotional and privately to bully someone.

Well if anyone reads this Thank You I appreciate it. Maybe I will write another blog. Don't have a clue what to write about though.